I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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