just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
