wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
