I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
