did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
