I love black thongs
She is in my trunk
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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