I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
