It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
