If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
