Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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