So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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