I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
