I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
