I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
