why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
