Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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