i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
