ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
