This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
