i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
