Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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