i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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