Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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