i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
