Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
