You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
