Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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