oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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