i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
