You made me cry and you don't even care
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
