I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
