I love black thongs
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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