Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
