when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
