My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
