So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
