Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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