Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
