i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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