Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
