3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
