Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
