I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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