I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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