when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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