He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
