Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize