my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
