look no pants
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
