Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize