I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
