Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
