As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
