Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
