At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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