Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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