Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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