Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
