Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
