i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
