Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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