Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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