Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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