In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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