Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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