whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
