just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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