he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
