I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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