the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
foreskin is a definite game changer
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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